Stress Anxiety...Who's playing the blaming game?

Stress Anxiety

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I do not believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they cannot find them, make them."- George Bernard Shaw-

Hmmm you don't believe me...huh!

That's fine but tell me are you absolutely sure you're not questioning your partners motives or are you just playing the blaming game?

"Do you think it's because of something your subconscious mind is looking for without you actually being totally consciously aware of what is going on?"

I admit it, I'm guilty of not knowing but I've changed...now where have you heard that before?

What causes people or your partner to judge and point the finger at you?

For example:

Money plays such a big part in daily life and cash flow difficulties create so much tension, its now a major reason for couples fighting and the majority of divorces.

Income, job security have eroded, and the added perks that used to come with working for a great company have gone down the drain and steadily declining...this is happening world wide!

In fact, 9 out of 10 family’s have to work two jobs in order to make ends meet. This isn’t a choice, it’s become a necessity.

Naturally, the words that run through your head are: "let's be really honest, who's the winner"?

Dear Friend,

Welcome back. Thanks for your valuable time, I appreciate you.

I don't mean to surprise you but on the other hand, stop for a moment and take a good look around.

Oh yeah, what's that saying: "maybe you've a disorganized house, work place or whatever?"

Well, I'll put it to you...just maybe it's because you've a disorganized mind.

Impossible! Are you spending too much money, time, effort and energy, too?

Yet, all the talk and energy is having little impact on the quality of your life because none of it is focused. Listen, it only takes a few moments to refresh yourself and get mentally organized.

• Are you too stubborn to give up old habits and persist in resisting change?
• Do you feel communication and re-education is way too time consuming?

I hope you don't have to go through the bitterness, hurt and pain of divorce before you realize that learning new skills can be of a great benefit for all of us.

Do yourself a favor and take hold of this power as you literally begin to launch yourself towards any goal you desire.

It's true to say almost everyone has problems because of the stresses and pressures that we all face...day-to-day (personal ups and downs), hey that's part of any culture and environment.

I know this is a very sensitive and important subject to cover...that's why if you don't take time to oragnize your thoughts and life each day, you may often feel like your ship is drifting in rough waters without a rudder.

A few minutes quietly observing, connecting your own mind, calms the rough waters and gives your ship a clear destination.

And that's precisely what your mind wants and needs to do especially in these troubled times.

In fact, you're mostly happy and tranquil when you and your partner are working together with the same goal you can both stay focused on and working together towards.

Believe me, personally you can do this, and your relationship won’t regret it for a moment.

Sometimes you're stronger and you can handle stress more in whatever shape or form it comes, sometimes you're more of a sensitive soul, not as strong emotionally, and you feel vulnerable.

When your relationship hits a snag...it's important to recognize the 'grass-isn't-greener' on the other side. Society suggests it but it isn't all it's cracked up to be, although it's encouraged and allowed to grow like cancer in our culture.

Maybe you'd agree with me this sort of thinking is wrong because it forces couples to give up hope and choices when there's actually still room for growth in their relationship with the promise of changes.

Truth is, when you begin to focus on the inside on what's important to you, your external world begins to almost magically reflect the same way you feel.

Just give yourselves the chance to organize as the two of you embark upon a new adventure.

Unfortunately, most people will let this opportunity slip right through their fingers:

• Maybe you'd prefer to worry and watch carefully?
• Maybe you like wondering yourself silly thinking can I trust this change?
• Maybe this time is it permanent or will it be temporary?
• Maybe you have no idea just how long will the changes last?
• Maybe my partner really wants to make these changes?

Ok they're not flashy or glitzy affirmations but they speak right from the heart and its time to get serious about it...

Let's take a closer look at how to strengthen your relationship before you give up and let it all fall apart:

How do you continue to build a foundation of trust through communication and love?

Firstly you've got to give respect and demand it from each other and always settle differences fairly when arguments arise.

Ignite (or reignite) the spark in your sex life.

Give total support to each other through good and not so good times.

Develop a strong commitment to your partner and find true love is obviously always there, right in front of you if you're not blind to see it?

Here are some practical and simple ways to know if the changes are going to last:

You're aware and begin to notice positive changes which are the complete opposite behaviors.

Shyness or (distancing one especially from people) turns into engagement.

You begin connecting to situations and find yourself surprised saying: "wow this is really nice, I wonder where this came from and why it hasn't happened before?"

Your partner expresses more curiosity about you, about him/herself and others. Nonverbal communication becomes expressive and open.

Your partner listens and observes more closely and accepts what happens in the relationship with more tolerance, much less criticism or without being stone cold defensive.

You feel that somehow there has been shifting gears and inactivity becomes activity. There's a different rhythm or flow in the relationship with a noticeable difference.

You feel less resistance with much less effort, force or tension. Recklessness transforms into thoughtfulness.

You find yourself noticing how differently your partner talks. The emotional tone, attitude, facial expression and choice of spoken words seem different.

Your partner used to say things like: "I promise, I'll try or I'm going to do this or that" are not used in his/her vocabulary anymore.

The negative times, where you felt out of your depth, stuck, helpless and hopeless, are less intense, happen less often and you seem to have more control.

You've found effective ways to move out of those times more quickly.

You're listening to you intuition more. Your gut instincts tells you that this feeling is good and you feel comfortable about the whole situation because a part of you is harmonized and happy inside.

You begin to clap and cheer because you trust that part of you that's more expressive without questioning.

Your partner seems to be less distracted having more of a clear direction and purpose in life.

Your partner seems to be driven more by internal desires, much less reacting to people or external circumstances.

Your partner is motivated and interested in hobbies or finds more enthusiasm for career.

You notice the changes seem to be more consistent and carry over for a longer period of time.

You partner has stopped blaming others, he/she isn't finger pointing the finger or making others responsible for his/her actions.

Your partner has a better handle on responsibly and in creating his/her world.

You feel there is much more co-operation and stability in your life with fewer mood swings.

You seem more consistently on the right path.

More confidence and concertainty is expressed for family, children and close friends.

Moments of effusive crying, tear letting and chest beating are gone. Apologies are past and there is a sense of working right here right now to create what we want down the line.

When your partner talks to you there is good eye contact, no looking down or away in the other direction.

Your partner is taking proactive steps towards self care from all levels, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Your partner can express what he/she needs and can negotiate with you to get those needs met but at the same time, your personal needs are considered and not being challenged.

You breeze through life by consciously creating a mind that is powerfully organized and you worry much less about what will happen next...

yours truly, johni

Stress Anxiety